Tag: relationship

Dating Someone who is Neurotypical while on an Autism Spectrum.

One of the most important things in life we are experiencing is finding Mr/Mrs. Right. Here is this question Do people on an autism spectrum date? And the answer is yes. People on an autism spectrum do date and eventually get married and have children, but I know it can be frustrating for some because we tend to get anxious, fear of rejection, etc.  I know many us have been in relationships in the past, but does not seem to work out how you for example, from a male/female having an affair outside the relationship to dealing with ones’ differences which results in breaking up/”calling it quits”.

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Recently I have watched the Netflix comedy series, Atypical about Sam Gardner, a high school senior, on an autism spectrum on a mission to find romance despite his parents’ (mainly his mother) chagrin and his sister’s humor. Throughout the season he has shown romantic interest of his therapist, Julia after she encourage Sam to start dating. Eventually, a girl named Paige (who is not an autism spectrum) shows interest in him which makes her his “practice girlfriend” and also become a couple during the autism friendly school dance in the season finale.  I would not think that this show deals with finding love on an autism spectrum disorder and Asperger’s syndrome.

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Here are the main criteria in dating:

  1. Typical questions people ask before dating and starting a relationship:”Will you go on date with me?” “Would you like to have coffee/tea sometime?”
  2. Typical sayings: “We should hang out sometimes.” “I will love to get more acquainted with you.”
  3. Getting to know you partner (similarities, interests/hobbies, hangout spots, etc.)
  4. “Are you ready for sex?”

Dating someone who is neurotypical have several difficulties in understanding acceptance of autism whether or not she/he are ready to commit a dating relationship without dealing with frustration and later learning about acceptance. Here is the link about where dating on an autism spectrum with a neurotypical person by Paddy-Joe Moran https://www.aspergerstestsite.com/1575/autism-relationships-part-autistic-people-neuro-typical-people/.

What to do as a person with autism dating someone who is neurotypical?

  1. Communicate with them
  2. Get them to understand you are on an autism spectrum
  3. Eye contact
  4. Be a good listener
  5. Acceptance by your partner

The most important thing in life is finding a soul mate along with marriage and start a family. Dating is tough especially when on an autism spectrum because we have the tendency to develop anxiousness, fear of rejection, and so forth. However, while dating who is neurotypical often get frustrated and later understand the fact about learning about autism spectrum/Asperger’s. I really think dating is learning experience for everyone whether if your partner is on a spectrum or not. I know we often get anxious when meeting another person to be your life partner. My advice is to be yourself without scaring your mate away and it is okay to be nervous at first when your partner talks about sex.

 

 

Dating on an Autism Spectrum Part II: Marriage and Sex

Good afternoon everyone,

Today is the first day of July and I am moving on to the second half of dating on an autism spectrum where marriage, sex, and family planning take place. Unfortunately, this is the conclusion of the series of “Dating on an Autism Spectrum”. Any how,  I have a few questions for you guys, Do you want to take this relationship to the next level? Were you nervous about your first sexual experience whether or not your partner is on an autism spectrum?  Do you want children in the future and starting a family? Good, so that is what I am going to discuss about this topic. I will also provide question and answer based upon this topic almost at the closing of this discussion. I will be discussing three related topics dealing with long-term relationships which coordinate how to make it work.

Marriage:

Marriage is one of the happiest days we have experience in our lifetimes because we are madly in love with our chosen partners and we want to start a new chapter in our lives since moving out of our parent(s)’s house. However, as people (adolescent through adulthood) on an autism spectrum we are unsure if the marriage will last a long time for some of us due to social awkwardness and fear of commitment. Prior to marriage is dating and then engagement whether or not if the relationship is going to work out almost like in movies and fairy tales because we want to experience in starting a chapter in our lives since being single is not an option for us when dating through marriage is taken place in our lives. In the article by Certified Autism Specialist, Stephanie C. Holmes, MA, BCCC she talks about the 4 C’s in marriage on an autism spectrum: 1. Conflict Resolution, 2. Communication, 3. Conversation, and 4. Connection http://www.aacc.net/2017/03/16/marriage-on-the-autism-spectrum-he-saidshe-said-part-3/.

 

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Sex:

Sex is normal in many relationships whether it is dating, engagement, and marriage. People on an autism spectrum are skeptical about what the term “sex” is. It is okay to be nervous if this is your first sexual relations experience. I know only a few to many stay celibate, meaning staying abstinence until marriage. Without sex it could result into intimacy conflicts between two partners and other health related issues. Anxiety also takes place as well resulting in sexless marriages because we are concerned about how will sex feel if it is our first experience. Do not worry too much about, just “go with the flow”. It is normal for some of us to be nervous during our first sexual relationship whether you are on an autism spectrum or not. We all experience nervousness and awkwardness in our first sexual experience.

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Family Planning:

Family planning is a part of life with a dramatic change. Babies can change lives in people whether you come from a different environmental surroundings (stable homes and/or broken home). I would want to start a family eventually so I could be a better example for them without choosing the wrong direction in life. Any who, here are two questions for you, Can people on an autism spectrum have children? Or do you want to start a family? The answers are yes, you can have children and start a family just like everybody else. Whether or not if you have children on an autism spectrum, patience is always the key especially if your parent(s) raised you as children with autism.

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Although I do not have children of my own, here are a few things you will need to know to raise children whether or not they are on the autism spectrum 1. Patience, 2. Acknowledge, 3. Acceptance, and 4. Understand. Eventually, I will have children soon as long as the father is in the picture and also if wants children as well.

That is the end of this series of “Dating on an Autism Spectrum” hopefully these series will help you start a stable relationship whether you are on an autism spectrum or not. Always remember whoever you choose to be your life partner will understand your well-being and always be aware of yourself and your partner’s actions.

Dating on an Autism Spectrum: Continuation of Part 1

Good evening everyone, today is Thursday and you know what that means it is Autism Thursday! This is the continuation of part 1 on dating on an autism spectrum. I forgot to mention the movies and documentaries examples where dating on an autism spectrum takes place. So I will be going over the movies and documentaries that deals with this topic.

Movies:

  1. Adam: Adam is a romantic drama released in the summer of 2009, directed by Max Mayer. The film takes place in Manhattan, New York about a young adult with Asperger’s Syndrome named, Adam Raki who lives alone in an apartment following the death of his father. Strangely enough a young school teacher and children’s book writer named, Beth Buchwald moved into the apartment above Adam’s and developed an awkward friendship. Adam, who is fascinated with space and galaxy surprised Beth by wearing his space suit while trying to impress her. Although the relationship between Beth and Adam slowly developed due to his autistic behaviors, they have manage to develop a stable boyfriend/girlfriend relationship like going on dates, socializing with Beth’s friends, talking about sexual relationship, etc. Sadly, the relationship did not last very long due to her father stating that Adam is not “dating material” which results in an argument between her and her father along with Adam accusing Beth of being a liar which results in the break up between the two. At the end of the film, Adam is in California working at the observatory with his interest in telescopes and he also receives a package from Beth of her first children’s book inspired by Adam about raccoons.

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2. Jane Wants a Boyfriend:  Jane Wants a Boyfriend is an indie, romantic comedy premiere in a 2015 film festival directed by William C. Sullivan. The film takes place in Queens, New York where Jane, a twenty-five year old woman with high functioning autism, who is in desperate need for a suitor for herself without the interference of Bianca, her older sister. Their parents want Jane to move in with Bianca and her fiance, Rob in Brooklyn since they are moving away from Queens. While attending a social gathering, Jane meets a chef named Jack, who seems to take interest into Jane despite her social awkwardness. Much to the dismay of Bianca, she forbids Jack from talking to Jane because she believes he only wants her for “sexual relationships”. Cynthia, Bianca’s friend, and Bianca sets Jane up for a date with Stephen, who has similar condition as Jane, which results in a disaster after he states that Cynthia did not tell him about Jane and becomes very upset about the statement along with Bianca going against her wishes. At the end of the film, Jane and Jack shared their first kiss after Bianca’s play and Bianca is happy for Jane to have a boyfriend like Jack.

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Documentaries:

  1. Autism in Love: Autism in Love, directed by Matt Fuller, takes a tale of four adults with autism in managing relationships. These four adults with autism: Dave and Lindsey, who have been dating for eight years and seeking in marriage despite the fact they are high functioning on an autism spectrum. Stephen, who has been married to his terminal ill wife, Gita for twenty years and later lost her battle to ovarian cancer leaving him a widower. Lenny, who struggles to accept in condition which results in anger stating that “he wish he was not autistic” and later in the film he was able to get  a job by working at the grocery store. These adults with autism had their trials and tribulation when it comes to starting relationship along with marriage.

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2. How to Dance in Ohio: How to Dance in Ohio, directed by Alexandra Shiva, takes the tales of adolescents and young adults with autism exercising in social and communication skills while in preparation of the spring formal. These young women, Marideth Bridges (spends the majority of her time at home on the computer), Jessica Sullivan (lives with her parents and works at a bakery), and Caroline McKenzie (a student attending community college and has a boyfriend) are all looking forward in attending the spring formal while dealing with other trials and tribulations. The filming took place in Columbus, Ohio and was premiere in the Sundance Festival in late 2015.

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And that concludes the second half of Part 1 about dating on an autism spectrum. There will be part 2 coming soon where I talk about marriage and starting a family on an autism spectrum. Make sure you share your opinions on the comment section below this post and let me know what you think about this series so far. And also, do not hesitate to give me any feedback and ask questions about this series. Be on the lookout for part 2 of this series and take care.